The Difference Between Men and Women

Posted Apr 21 2011, 8:18 pm in

A few moments ago, I was asked to stand up in front of forty people at a retirement party tonight and roast Dave, the guest of honor, a man I greatly admire and have worked with for the past ten years.

Dave has a unique perspective on life. So unique, I began writing down what I now call “Dave-isms” because they’re as funny as they are true. The following snippet comes from 2004 when Dave tried to explain the facts of life to one of my writers, a newly-minted college grad.

*clears throat*

The Difference Between Men and Women

Men and women are like cars. Men look like this:


…and women look like this:

But the real difference isn’t their lines… it’s what under the hoods.

You see, the man is a high-performance engine, an engine so fast, it suffers from ah… pre-ignition every once in a while, but that’s not important right now. This is an engine capable of going zero to sixty in about 0.5 seconds. But the woman’s engine needs coaxing. Warming up. You turn the key and….

Nothing happens. Forget 0 – 60, check back in an hour.

So, you take care of it. Take her out, buy her only the best gasoline and oil, but she’s high maintenance. So you treat her to a little detailing here and there.

The goal is to get both engines humming at the same time.

JUST when you think you’ve reached this point… Mother Nature steps in.

Suddenly, the engine that took forever to get started is now ready, willing and able to go while the engine that used to go from 0 – 60 in 0.5 seconds stalls at the worst possible moments… or worse, won’t start at all.




2 responses to “The Difference Between Men and Women”

  1. ahahahaha! so true :)

  2. Patty says:

    Dave’s official last day was Friday. I already miss him. He had so many of these very cool truisms.