Sometimes a nut’s just a nut

Posted May 24 2010, 4:21 pm in

Inspired by Tawna Fenske’s recent post about things that sound dirty but aren’t, I was reminded of this story that happened when I was about sixteen years old.

I wore braces for many years. Seven to be precise. Seven long and painful years. My little group of friends was fond of a restaurant chain that’s long out of business. It had not only a salad bar, but a dessert bar.

Knowing of my chocolate obsession as you do by now, you can probably appreciate how much I enjoyed meals at this establishment. Sadly, I wasn’t alone in my appreciation and the place soon got so popular and crowded, it was difficult to get in.

On one such evening, our group was seated at a large table for six. My boyfriend (now my husband) suggested a few of us manage the long dessert bar line by each filling a plate to bring back to the table. Upon consensus of the suggestion, we braved the lengthy wait (the line was snaked around the dining room) and returned to the table with a variety of desserts for our own mini-bar.

My boyfriend brought a dish of nuts. Another guy brought a dish of sprinkles. One of the girls brought back an enormous bowl of ice cream. I, naturally, brought back the chocolate. And so on. Six dessert varieties in all. We each tucked in and built sundaes out of our bounty.

The girl seated to my left made a face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’ve got John’s sprinkles caught in my teeth.”

I laughed and nodded. “I know! I’ve got my boyfriend’s nuts caught in my braces.”

The entire table burst into laughter. A passing waiter had to put down his tray or risk dropping it after he heard my Freudian slip.

I sat, bewildered. I was eating a sundae with nuts on top. Why was this funny?

Ohhhhhh! It took me about five minutes, five long minutes and then WOW, was my face red.

People dining beside us actually applauded when the light bulb finally went off.

I am way past sixteen and this story has not died away. It’s recalled at every birthday and will likely be retold at my wake.

The dessert bar crowd: I am seated on my boyfriend's lap. Note the big '80's hair!



8 responses to “Sometimes a nut’s just a nut”

  1. Tawna Fenske says:

    Hahahahahahaha! Thanks for my first tear-producing laugh of the day!


  2. harleymay says:

    This is awesome. That’s all.

    • Patty says:

      God, it has the distinction of being my MOST embarrassing moment ever. Maybe by blogging about it, it won’t turn me red every time I am forced to relive it.

  3. Bill Cameron says:

    I don’t get it.


  4. Haha! That’s great! Definitely one you won’t ever live down. :)

  5. Patty says:

    It was THE MOST EMBARRASSING moment up until I got this job in 2001. I used to manage a team of technical writers and one day, I typed an email to the entire staff, outlining a plan through which we could all cross-train to learn each others’ responsibilities.

    I typed the Star Trek phrase… “Let’s do a Vulcan mind meld thing…”

    um… except I didn’t hit the C key. Instead, I typed a second V.

    That damn email was sent to 20 people including my boss and my boss’s boss.

    Five minutes later, I was tapped on the shoulder and asked to recall the message. Human Resources did not find the suggestion of a vulvan meld amusing.

    At all.

    That was the last time I used pop culture phrases in a professional message.