Posted Jun 14 2010, 12:03 am

Those who follow me know I am serious about my chocolate. Saying, “Patty likes chocolate” is an understatement of profound proportion. It’s like saying, “The universe is big.” Duh. My predilection for chocolate goes much, much deeper than this… it’s not just an addiction. It’s an obsession. I plan my day around chocolate. I diet to make room for chocolate. Some people drink, others smoke. My vice, my crutch, my friend, my heart’s desire is chocolate. Chocolate never lies to me, it never makes promises it has no intentions of keeping, like “Patty, you’re my best friend” before it never calls or emails me again.

Last week, my twitter pals told me about the Great Wall of Chocolate at PF Chang’s. Just hearing the word triggers a whole Pavlovian sequence of CRAVE in me. Mouth watering leads to thinking, thinking about the way chocolate feels in my mouth and melts on my tongue triggers hunger pains, the hunger pains mean I cannot concentrate on anything other than chocolate, chocolate bars, chocolate kisses, chocolate pretzels, chocolate raisins, chocolate cake, chocolate strawberries, chocolate!, CHOCOLATE NOW.

Um. Sorry about that. My eyes glazed over for a second. Or, perhaps, the better word is ganached.

I therefore called a friend and made plans to have dinner at PF Chang’s last night. Dinner was great. I think. I honestly don’t remember it much.

Dessert, I remember. The plate was placed on the table in front of us, an enormous slab of the dark stuff – six or seven layers – I lost count – of dense chocolate, each between a thick coating of chocolate icing. It was covered in chocolate chips and then drizzled in a fruit syrup. A heavenly host sang an Alleluia chorus. Suddenly, a fork was in my hand. I have no memory of picking it up. I pressed the fork to the cake… No. Calling this a cake is like calling the Mona Lisa an arts & crafts project. I pressed the fork to this masterpiece, felt the weight of it. My tongue was already tingling as I moved fork to mouth.

Oh. My. God.

I think I died for a minute. Well… lost consciousness. That moment, that split second when chocolate caresses taste buds… Oh! I’m sure I saw God.


In seconds, the Great Wall had been reduced to a Small Barrier and then to mere Ruin. There were four of us at dinner last night. Conversation came to a complete and utter stand still during Consumption of the Great Wall. I’m told a war broke out over the last crumbs. I have no memory of this so cannot confirm or deny.

The Great Wall in Ruins

When it was gone, I thought I’d feel regret or sadness. But I didn’t. I was in a post-chocloidal bliss, a state of nirvana not matched since Godiva’s monster chocolate-covered strawberries. Now, you might think being in such a state would compel me to rush home and make sweet love to my husband.


Yep, I even licked the fork.

I did rush home, but it was to my laptop where my manuscript had languished for days. I wrote for an hour, word after word, sentence after sentence, page after page and it was some of the best writing I’ve ever done. Apparently, my muse likes chocolate more than I do and that’s really saying something.

If you’ll excuse me, I’ve a few thousand calories to exercise off now.



15 responses to “Chocolate.”

  1. Kelly Breakey says:

    You know I love you right? That being said, this was just mean, especially since I have absolutely no chocolate in the house right now. Damnit, Patty, I was trying to be good.

    Now I have to go and get my hubs to make up some homemade chocolate frosting. I am totally blaming you for any and all extra weight I add after this little splurge.

    But that cake freaking looked amazing and I want some right now.

    • Patty says:

      I’m throwing Matt under the bus here… I was completely unaware such a monument to chocolate existed. And it was amazing.

  2. 1. That looks amazing.

    2. We need to get you a chocolate IV.


  3. Linda G. says:

    My mouth literally started watering as soon as I reached the pics. OMG! I must find a PF Chang’s! That looks totally divine. *drools embarrassingly over keyboard*

  4. LOL, but this is funny! I’m so gonna find out where the nearest PF Chang’s is … and I’m just going to skip dinner and order dessert. A girl has to have her priorities in line!

  5. CKHB says:

    “My eyes ganached over.” GENIUS.

  6. OMG, this made me LMAO! I am SOOO with you…as long as it’s DARK chocolate. Somewhere along the way the milk chocolate got too sweet for me. To me, milk chocolate is the instant hot cocoa to my Starbucks Mocha with extra shot of espresso.

    I just recently saw a PF Changs in my neighborhood and wondered whether or not the food was any good. Now it doesn’t matter, cuz I’m totally going for that Great Wall!! Who cares about the rest?!?!

    I loved your post. Not only was it about a passion for chocolate that I totally get, but it was well-written and thoroughly entertaining. Thanks for sharing!

    • Patty says:

      Well, thank you, Gina , for such kind words. The food really was good. They had a price fix menu – dinner for 2 for $40. Wow.

  7. Sue London says:

    Can I assume that you’ve got a copy of Sandra Boynton’s “Chocolate the Consuming Passion”? :)

    And now I’ve REALLY got to try P.F. Chang’s.

    • Patty says:

      OMG, how do I NOT know about this book? I will find it immediately. And devour, no doubt. Thanks for telling me about it, Sue.