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1.
Walking into the pub
I feel buzzed
And happy
It’s the fourth bar of the night
And our first night in Ireland.
I’m out with three other girls,
Moving happily from one place to the next
Exploring the cobblestone streets of this seaside town
Overlooking the Atlantic.
We’re here through our university,
Participating in a summer exchange program
I’m taking three courses,
Two history
One literature
And classes start Monday,
Giving us the weekend to settle in,
And get acquainted with the area
And to my new friends
That means getting acquainted with the locals,
And their beer.
They don’t want the excitement of our first night here to end
And I have to admit,
Neither do I.
I’ve spent all spring saving up for this summer.
The bar is packed
It’s packed with people dancing,
Standing.
Couples seated in cozy corners.
Friends at booths, laughing.
It’s loud
And it’s fun
Getting to know the girls
Listening to the music
Sipping a drink and toasting to everything we can think of
But things start to change.
They start to slur,
And giggle.
Their faces becoming lax and their movements slowed.
The evening is winding down,
And we all agree to leave,
Ten more minutes, and then we will go.
I think I’ve heard that three times now.
But it’s fun.
Finally, we all agree that it is actually time to leave
And I think I’m the first one to make the move
To head for the exit
I’m already halfway out the door
When I hear one of them call my name
“We’ve made friends.” She giggles at me
Thrusting her hand out to a group of boys
Thrusting her hand out to you.
I look at you
Not really looking.
Not really seeing.
We were supposed to be leaving
But my friends plead with me
Their eyes going wide
So I move to the corner
Standing beside you
Watching as they talk and flirt
With the new boys they’ve met
Your friends.
And you stand beside me.
Holding a drink in your hand.
Tall and silent.
Silent in the corner.
Silently staring at me.
It makes my chest pound
It makes my stomach flutter
And it makes me uncomfortable.
“Hi, I’m…” you whisper,
Leaning closer,
Those blue eyes gazing down at me.
“Hi,” I say, lightly shaking your hand,
Not meeting your gaze
All I can look at is the floor.
You shift at my side,
And I feel your hand find its way onto my back as you lean in to speak.
“What is your—”
Is all you get out
Because your hand on my back causes me to jump
I don’t introduce myself
I don’t look at you
I run straight for the bathroom
Standing there
Staring at myself in the mirror
And I don’t even want to meet my own gaze.
What is wrong with me?
Why am I so nervous?
Why is a stranger getting to me so much?
I wash my face clean
Trying to clear my head.
Just relax.
I walk back out
And it’s as if nothing has changed.
Everyone is in the same spot.
You’re still standing in that corner.
But your gaze isn’t on them.
You aren’t drawn into their conversation.
You’re standing there
Looking at me
Staring at me
And I can’t do anything other than stare back
I smile as I move into the circle
Back into the corner,
Back next to you.
And I try not to look at those blue eyes again
I try to focus on the conversation
But I’m drawn to you
I’m drawn to those eyes
And I give in.
I turn slightly
Bringing my gaze up to your face.
You have high cheekbones
Light scruff and dark hair
Atlantic-blue eyes
My insides feel frozen
Staring at you
And instead of feeling uncomfortable
I feel transfixed.
“We’re going to move this party to a booth, you coming?” one of the girls asks.
The last of my friends
And his
To be standing in front of me.
I flip my gaze to her,
And I don’t actually have an answer
She just looks at me, and laughs lightly
“We will be over there,” she says, pointing to a booth,
Raising her eyebrows at me before walking away.
I have to walk away from you
So I start to follow her
But I stop
Standing there in the middle of the pub
And turn back to you
To look at you
You’re still leaning against the wall
Staring at me
Now grinning at me
And your warm smile makes me not want to move
Because you see me.
It’s not just the surface you’re looking at
It’s like when you look at me,
You’re looking into me.
All I can see is your fitted black shirt and those blue eyes.
You push off the wall, stepping closer
I open my mouth, thinking I should say something
But nothing comes out
I close it.
Because I’m not really thinking.
I’m feeling.
And I don’t know how to place this feeling.
You shift closer to me, those blue eyes looking down into mine
And then you kiss me
You kiss my lips
You kiss my neck
You taste faintly of beer
Of a cigarette
And it’s intoxicating
I pull away, flushed
Shocked.
I’m not someone who kisses strangers
But you don’t feel like a stranger
It feels like I’ve known you forever
Like our souls have crossed paths before
Intertwined together in some past time,
Some former life
Because I feel like I know you.
You smile at my flushed face
And then kiss me again
Deeper
More insistent.
I move my hands to your chest
And your fingers press against my back
Your mouth opening wider until your tongue slips in
Until goosebumps are covering all of my skin.
We kiss for a long time
Until finally you pull away.
“Would you like a drink?” you ask
Pushing your hand through your dark hair.
I nod
I’m not thirsty
I don’t need a drink
But I need to move.
You grab onto my hand
Lacing your fingers in mine and lead me to the bar.
You set down your drink,
“Water is fine,” I finally speak.
Your back is turned to me
Speaking to the bartender
Then just as quickly you are again facing me
Those blue eyes pinning me between you and a wall
“Tell me something about you,” I breathe out the words,
Desperate for a moment to clear my head.
You shrug at me
“I don’t know,” you say,
Almost blushing
“I am who I am.”
“And who exactly is that?”
I can’t help the smile on my face.
“I enjoy movies. And music. I have a shit job,” you laugh.
“But you stay?”
You just nod.
“And you. Who are you?”
Your eyebrows raise in question.
“I’m here for the summer. For university.”
You smile at me,
A big smile
And it makes my chest pound
“You’re smart, aren’t you?”
I just shrug, but I think my smile gives it away.
“I try.”
Your chest rises and falls with your light laugh,
And my eyes slip from your face down to your shirt.
It moves further down to your arms
Full of tattoos.
Full of hidden meanings.
“This one is for my family,” you say, pointing one out.
“I miss them.”
“Where are they?”
“They are in my home country, Montenegro. I am here on a work visa.”
I look back up into your eyes.
And I find sadness
I can tell you miss them
And before I know what I’m doing,
I’m holding onto your arm,
Touching that tattoo.
I can’t look into your eyes
Each time I meet your gaze, I feel lost.
Lost in your eyes,
Lost in something I don’t understand.
Both of your hands come up against my cheeks
Cupping them in your fingers
And you pull me to your lips.
You press into me
With so much emotion
That my body folds into you.
Your hands on my face,
It feels natural
It feels right.
And then your tongue moves against my lips.
Your breath is hot in my mouth,
And your hands move to press into my back.
Pressing me against you.
My fingers slip up to your shoulders
My nails digging into them
Moving across your collarbone and into your hair.
Everything is perfect
Everything is easy
The kisses are intense
But not forced
Your fingers press into me
But they aren’t pushing me
We’re at a crossroads of giving and taking,
Going fast but being gentle.
But then your lips leave mine
And you trail them down over my jaw to my neck
Pulling against my skin.
My whole body shudders,
And my stomach tightens at the sensation.
You pull back,
Taking my pink face into your hands again
Just staring at me
Staring at my face
Into my eyes.
I try to turn my head away
But you won’t let me
And I feel like my chest might burst.
“Alright, kids! Closing time.”
A man comes through the pub, shouting
Gathering everyone up.
Your eyes still don’t leave mine
Then you pull out your phone
Holding it in one hand,
Grabbing onto mine in the other
“I will call you tomorrow if you’d like? We can go for food. Coffee?”
I see uncertainty in your eyes
And I don’t like it.
I nod
Smiling
Taking your phone into my fingers
“Of course. Yes.”
“Yes?” You smile back at me
Your eyes beaming
And you grab onto my face
Pulling me to your lips one more time.
2.
“How do you take your coffee?”
You ask me this question as we take a seat at a café in town.
“Black is fine.” I smile at you.
You nod
And then you go inside to the counter to order.
When you come back,
Sitting down next to me
My stomach twists in my belly
Just the sight of you has my whole body feeling high
“You look very beautiful today,” you say.
Taking my hand into yours
Running your fingers across my skin.
It makes goosebumps rise down my arms.
“Thank you.” I blush.
You smile,
And I notice a small dimple form.
I want to run my hand across it
Across those lips
And the thought makes me blush more,
Sitting here, thinking those things about you.
“Your skin gives you away.”
You laugh
And pull me to your lips.
You kiss me easily,
Your warm lips locking onto mine.
With your hand against my jaw,
I hold onto your arm.
You don’t deepen the kiss,
You don’t hold it for too long.
And when you pull back,
I think my eyes stay closed for a minute too long.
“So you will attend university here?” you ask
Smiling next to me.
I nod.
“I’ll be taking three courses over summer.
How did you end up here?” I ask.
Your take out a cigarette
Lighting it across the table from me
Taking a sip of your coffee
“I came for work.
At home,
In my country,
I had trouble finding a job.
So now, I’m here.”
I nod
Watching you exhale smoke.
“But I like it here.
The ocean is beautiful.
If you’d like, I will take you to one of my favorite places.
Down to the beach.”
“That sounds nice.”
You ash your cigarette,
Slipping your hand across the table,
Wrapping your fingers around mine.
Your eyes sparkle,
And I know my eyes match yours
“From the moment I saw you,
I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”
You squeeze my hand
“It was unexpected,” I admit.
It took me by surprise.
You take me by surprise.
“But good I hope?” you question.
And I nod at you.
“It was perfect.”
Just as everything is perfect today
Sitting here in the warm sun
Drinking coffee
Holding your hand
Watching you watch me.
It’s all perfect.
And you’re perfect too.
3.
Your fingers slip through mine, rubbing against my skin.
We watch as the waves crash ashore.
Their cold weight shifting the rocks beneath them.
They flow inward, and then are ripped back out.
An endless cycle.
An endless flow.
“I like this beach. It’s different from the ones back home,” I comment.
You look at me, your nose pink from the chill.
“And I’ve always dreamt of seeing a soft, sandy beach,” you grin.
“I like the darkness of this one.”
The sky is clouded gray.
The sunlight filters lightly through.
“It is beautiful. The darkness.”
You pull me closer, wrapping your arm around me.
My thick coat keeps me warm
But the heat rising from within has more to do with you.
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
You told me it was your favorite place.
You couldn’t place why exactly
My theory is you like the chaos
The power of the ocean
It makes you feel connected
Yet, you have no control.
With everything worthwhile in life, there are two sides to the greatness.
One side which gives you everything
The other side which shows you aren’t in control of it
Which is why experiencing it is so beautiful.
“This is where I find my joy,” you reply.
I tuck my body closer to you.
I move my lips to your cold neck
Goosebumps travel up my arms.
Your skin tastes salty.
Misted with sea air
But I still find you under it
Smoke and sunlight.
How someone can smell like sunlight, I’m not sure.
But you do.
“I think I could find my joy here too,” I reply.
But I could find my joy anywhere
In any place
As long as I’m with you.
You run your hands through my hair as I move my lips to yours
And you kiss me back
Your hot breath warming every part of me
Your tongue dancing across my lips
But I pull away.
“What do you think about when you come here?”
I want to know more about you
I want to know every little detail about who you are.
Your brows furrow slightly
“I think of many things. Mostly these things we cannot describe in words.”
I lean back
“Like what?”
“What it all means. Us. Creation.”
You shrug
“I think of many things. But here, at the beach, I think of my family. My home.”
“Will you go back soon?”
My heart drops with your saddened gaze.
“I will see them soon, I hope. Maybe this fall.”
Your blue eyes look back at me,
A twinkle coming into them
And you smile
You smile at me.
“Come, I will take you to dip your toes in the water now,” you grin.
You stand up, grabbing my hand in the process, pulling me with you.
“Isn’t it freezing?” I question.
Your lips pull at the corners
A hint of teeth escapes your closed smile
You just nod, letting out a laugh.
“You will feel completely refreshed after, I promise.”
You promise.
So I go with you.
Stripping off my sandy shoes on the rocky shore
Running down like lunatics into the freezing water
Just to run back out again as quickly.
But when we get back to our shoes,
Your chest is rising, and you aren’t hiding your smile anymore,
And my eyes wander over your chest
Down to our interlaced hands,
And I feel like I can’t breathe.
Patty again — that was awesome! Thanks, Kenzie. Don’t forget to enter the contest for a chance to win a ton of books by me, Kenzie, and lots more amazing authors! To enter, you need to know that my favorite number is
Thank you for this most excellent chance!