Dan’s Blog

“Why are you so nervous? Aren’t you like a pro at this yet?”

I extend my middle finger. Kenny doesn’t get it. Nervous doesn’t come close to what I’m feeling. It’s not even in the same zip code. Sick to my stomach? Check. Would rather donate an organ? Check. Oh, let’s not forget scared to fucking death. Got that, too.

Another school. Another first day. Another bunch of posers to hide from.  This is the fourth new school. The truth got out at the last three.

Every time.

I shiver, remembering.

“Oh, grow a pair already.  This is the point of the whole new name thing, remember?

The new name. “Daniel Ellison.” I say it out loud a few times. Roll it around my tongue but it still sounds fake even though it’s been mine – legally – for months now. I hope I remember to answer to it. It’s a good name. Daniel means God is my judge. And Ellison comes from a prayer. Kyrie eleison. Lord, have mercy.

Mercy. Yeah, right.

Shit, I can’t breathe and my heart’s trying to crack my ribs. I force in a deep breath, catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror over my dresser. I don’t look the same. Maybe that combined with the new name will work. Maybe this time, things will be different. Better.


Tomorrow’s the first day of senior year. If this doesn’t work… I’m not doing this anymore. If the truth gets out again, I’m gone. I’ll keep my parents away… keep them safe. I can’t let them keep paying for my mistake. They didn’t kill anybody.

I did.